When I started my healing journey years ago, I never could of imagined how complex the understanding of self could be. Its an array of simplicity that holds such vast meaning. It has always made me incredibly perplexed, and determined to learn more about how the healing process unfolds. We are, complex yet simple creatures. At our core, we need and long for all the same basic necessities- the need for love, connection, stability and nurturing. We all develop with the same basic needs from the moment of conception. We are also given an incredible ability to adapt through means in which these needs are not met. My goal is to begin to educate people on the understanding of these different aspects of self that develop when we do not in fact, have these needs met. I want to give you an understanding on the way our brain transcends our being for means of survival when we experience un met needs as a child, and how this plays an impact on your adult life. When I say that you are not alone, i mean it. Every human on this earth has trauma to some degree. Every experience we have creates an imprint of some sort due to our emotional response to the event. When you decide to stop swimming up stream against your anxiety and manic tendencies and begin looking at the different aspects of yourself, you will soon realize the new world that awaits you. A simple, yet complex part of what creates your reailty, is waiting to be unfolding and understood.
What is an aspect of self?
Imagine for a moment with me- a story of a little girl who was told she couldnt sing.
Little Lucy was 5 years old sitting in the back of the car with her father on her way to the grocery store. Her father had just had a terrible day at work and was frustrated, irritable and had little capacity for a happy, singing little girl. As Lucy sat in the back seat, she started to sing along with her favorite song that had just came on the radio. It wasn't a minute into the song and her cranky and irritated father turned off the music and told her that she was a terrible singer and that terrible singers are not allowed to sing. Maybe to an adult, this comment could be rationalized and dismissed. But to a 5 year old- this meant everything. In that moment, little Lucy had such an emotional response to her fathers lashing out, that not only did her emotions cut off her confidence to sing- but, her body and nervous system created a defense mechanism(trigger) to never voice herself in any similar way so she never had to feel like that again.
What we fail to realize about these types of events, is that these exact emotional experiences are what we carry into our adult life. A now 30 year old Lucy has longed to sing her whole life and to preform. She often struggles to voice herself because whenever she tries to, her body(nervous system) tells her that she is not safe to do so(trigger). Its not the 30 year old aspect of Lucy that consciously denies herself from singing and voicing who she is, its the 5 year old aspect within her psyche that triggers her nervous system when she tries to do so. This is an aspect of herself, a 5 year old little girl that needs to be heard and loved for who she was in that moment. Once 30 year old Lucy decides to begin voicing herself + singing, while also nurturing this 5 year old aspect, her nervous system will begin to rewire and regulate it as safety. This process takes time + patience, but is a beautiful unfolding into who she really is at her core.
Healing + Compassion
Once we begin to identify these aspects of ourselves that need love, nurturing & attention, we are then able to begin giving him/her what she needs. The psyche is truly a powerful force that has had one purpose- to help you survive. Sometimes this force works against us by making normal adult tasks difficult to complete due to much younger aspects of ourselves rising to the surface. Obviously a 7 or 3 year old version of ourselves cants handle doing taxes or buying a new home. This is where we must not judge ourselves, or others, that struggle to make their way in the world. Age truly is never an indicator of where are going to be along our path. My offering to you is to begin looking at yourself + others with compassion. Begin to recognize when you feel anxious or have an inability to preform simple tasks as an adult. It may not always be 30 year old you that is running the show. It just may be one of these aspects that have taken over. Begin to reflect on things in your life that may make you freeze in your tracks or always seem to shut you down. You just never know what you may discover about yourself.
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